How to Transform Dreaded Social Events into Networking Gold
Let's cut to the chase: Most of you SUCK at carrying on conversations.
And I know this all too well because navigating social events has become a spectator sport for me - watching people fumble through interactions is like watching a trainwreck in slow motion. No one likes doing it which is exactly why you should learn to excel at it.
So, you get that dreaded wedding invite from your twice-removed cousin. You know the drill: you won't know a soul, and yet, you're roped into going to show your support (or because your significant other insists). Fast forward, and there you are, at the wedding, lost in a sea of strangers, clueless about how to start a conversation. Or maybe you're cornered at your child's school event, feeling completely out of place.
Yes, it's awkward, and yes, it looks as ridiculous as it feels.
But here's the thing: you're far from alone in this. These awkward scenarios are not just common; they're ripe with untapped potential for forging new bonds and expanding your social network.
Here's the guide:
Preparing for the Event
▪️Research and Prepare: Doing your homework before attending any social gathering can significantly boost your confidence and conversational prowess. For weddings, try to gather some intel on how the guests are connected to the couple—any shared history, interests, or quirky anecdotes could serve as great conversation starters. At a child’s event, a bit of knowledge about the ongoing activities, themes, or even popular children's trends can make engaging with other parents easier. Equip yourself with a variety of universal icebreakers that are relevant to the event you're attending or that tap into widespread, non-controversial topics. More on this in a moment.
▪️Open Mindset: Mindset is absolutely crucial when it comes to this. Instead of dreading these occasions as obligatory gatherings, try shifting your perspective to see them as opportunities. Whether it's the chance to connect with your children's friends' parents or to forge new business connections, each event holds potential value beyond mere attendance.
And really, if you're going to attend—or feel that you have to—it makes sense to make the most of it instead of standing around looking out of place.
Personally, I've turned it into a bit of a game: my aim is to uncover an odd or interesting fact about each person I meet. This approach transforms the experience into more of an investigation than a typical social gathering, making it both intriguing and enjoyable for me. It's a strategy that not only keeps conversations flowing but also helps me achieve my own goal of learning something new. While it might sound unconventional, it's effective. Find the approach that resonates with you.
Initiating Conversations
▪️Icebreakers Tailored to the Event: Use your environment and the nature of the event to guide your conversation starters. Questions like, "How do you know the couple?" at weddings, or "Which workshop did your child enjoy the most today?" at school events, can open doors to longer conversations.
Here are ten I regularly use and memorize. You should do the same:
1⃣ After exchanging your initial hellos, ask "So, what's your story?" - An open invitation for someone to share more about themselves in whatever context they choose.
2⃣"Seen anything good on TV lately?" or what’s your favorite TV series. - A relatable question that can spark conversations about common interests in shows or movies.
3⃣If on the topic of work, “what was the worst job you ever had?" Instead of listening to them explain how important they are (they’re not) this question shifts the topic a bit to give you a bit of insight and maybe some shared experiences.
4⃣Music is always a good topic to explore and find mutual ground. “What kind of music are you into, or what's your favorite band?" - Encourages sharing of musical preferences, potentially uncovering shared tastes and sparking deeper discussions about culture and experiences.
5⃣"Do you have any trips coming up?" - People often like to share their travel plans or dreams, making this a great way to discover mutual interests or share experiences.
6⃣"Do you have any pets?" - A simple yet effective question that can lead to extensive conversations. People LOVE to talk about their pets – be careful with this one you might get bored.
7⃣"What hobbies are you interested in?"
8⃣"Any big trips coming up? What's your favorite place to travel?"
9⃣"Anything you're looking forward to in the next few months?"
🔟"How do you like to spend your free time?" I’ve had mixed results with this one, I’ll get the usual response of “what free time?”. No MF, the 40% body fat says you have plenty of free time… Anyways, sometimes you get some interesting stories when they don’t lie about it.
▪️ Body Language: Your non-verbal cues can invite or deter people from engaging with you. Keep your posture open, smile, and make eye contact. Keep it simple. Don’t cross your arms, look down at the floor, etc…
▪️ Sustaining the Conversation
Starting and sustaining the conversation are two very different animals. I was taught a very simple acronym. Its dorky I know but its east to remember and it works.
L.E.A.D.E.R.S.
· Listen
· Engage
· Ask
· Disclose
· Empathize
· Reciprocate
· Shift
Listen: Listen to them… seems simple but most people are thinking about what to say next instead of listening to the person.
I can tell, others can tell. You don’t make friends that way.
Engage: Show that you're involved in the conversation through nodding, maintaining eye contact, and using affirmations like "I see" or "Interesting."
Ask: Master open-ended questions that encourage elaboration instead of yes or no answers.
Disclose: Share your own stories or opinions relevant to the topic. Add some humor where you can.
Empathize: Not to be confused with sympathizing. Express understanding for the speaker's feelings or experiences to deepen the bond. I.E.,” That must be an amazing feeling!” “You must feel so proud of your daughter”.
Reciprocate: Ensure the conversation is a two-way street, allowing for an equal exchange of ideas and thoughts.
Shift: Know when to change topics. Transition the conversation to new topics to keep the dialogue fresh and engaging and restart the LEADERS acronym.
Navigating Common Challenges
▪️Handling Awkward Silences: Silence doesn’t have to be awkward. Use it as a chance to introduce a new topic. Go back to the 10 questions you memorized, use a new one. Otherwise, phrases like, "Speaking of which..." can smoothly transition the conversation to fresh territory.
▪️Exiting Conversations: There comes a time when you need to move on. Do so gracefully with phrases like, "I've really enjoyed talking with you (INSERT NAME HERE). I’m going to check out the dessert table now.” Shake their hand, if appropriate, and use a light touch on their arms as you exit. The name drop and light touch will be a memorable experience for them and they will remember you the next time.
Conclusion
The ability to strike up and maintain conversations in unfamiliar settings is a valuable life skill. No one likes doing it which is why you should learn to excel at it. It can transform intimidating social events into enjoyable opportunities to expand your network, make new friends, and even advance your career. By preparing, approaching each interaction with the right mindset, and employing the strategies outlined above, you'll find yourself navigating social events with newfound confidence and ease.
-🦉
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